what these tool are best used for

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what these tool are best used for

Postby corvairbob » Wed Nov 24, 2010 12:46 pm

i got his little article from the metro site and though you might get a kick out of it. i put it in the helix page for a lack of a better page. have fun reading it. we all fix our bikes and have used most of these tools.

Tools Explained

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching metal out
of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your diet Pepsi or
anything above 2.5 % alcohol across the room, denting the project which you had
carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints in about the time
it takes you to say, 'That's not good'

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up
jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools ... It transforms human energy into a
crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course,
the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If
nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding or
grinding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects
in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub
out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles at warp speed.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you
have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly under the

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used to cut expensive an
aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after
you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of wires
you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS HEAD SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or
for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt;
but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert
common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you
needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short and crooked.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war in conjunction with saying ' You
are not going to beat me!' the hammer nowadays is used as a divining rod to
locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons
delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats,
liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or
plastic parts. This tool is also very helpful in giving ER physicians practice
to become plastic surgeons.

WELDER: Used almost primarily to cause temporary blindness.

Thanks Dad for giving me my love of all cars and the value of saving a dollar to
buy other things that mean more than a replaceable piece of rusting metal and
cf moto fashion
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